Monthly Archives: November 2012

Finals Meltdown



It’s kind of been forever since I wrote on here.  I’ll try to catch up in another blog, but not right now.  I’m just going to tell you the bare minimum so the intended post makes a little bit of sense.I live in Chicago now (again).  I am currently attending grad school for forensic science, and I am a GA for another department in my building.  It is getting towards the end of my 1st semester, which means it is verging on finals time!

Now begins what I like to call “finals meltdown”. Others refer to it as “finals lockdown,” but I feel my term has a certain descriptive honesty about it.  How can you recognize this time of year?

1) Your friends (and probably you) start to smell.  There is no time for showering! Are you nuts!? Hygiene and concern with the opinions of others are the 1st things to go…also sleep.  Sleep goes out the window very quickly. Pro tip:  If you don’t notice that anyone smells it’s because you smell just as bad.
2) Everyone has a constant wild-eyed frazzled expression on their faces, as though they just woke up at 2 am and realized they have a 20 page paper due at 8 am which they haven’t started…Every day for 2 weeks
3) No one can form a coherent thought.  People often interrupt themselves with epiphanies regarding whatever subject they were most recently studying.  Also their eyes become very unfocused.  Most of them are experiencing hallucinations of equations/course material brought on by the aforementioned sleep deprivation
4) Everyone’s book bag suddenly becomes bottomless and contains every book/article/power point presentation/magazine/webpage/scribbled note/etc. utilized in any of their classes.  It’s like Mary Poppins formed an obscure academic literature habit.
5) Everyone loses weight.  Because they stop eating.  You may think you are immune to this because you are broke and already don’t eat.  You’re not.  Once you begin finals meltdown there is no room in your brain to remember such trivial things as eating.  Hell, you are lucky you are managing to breathe!  When you do manage to eat something it’s take-out (read pizza) because you haven’t gone grocery shopping since before finals meltdown and you certainly don’t have time for that now!
Don’t fret my friends!  Soon this will all be over.  On the day of your last final you will go home and crash.  Then you will wake up, shower, eat something that isn’t pizza, and then attend some sort of post-finals party.  You will interact with people in a relatively normal manner compared to how you have been for the last two weeks. You will probably consume large amounts of alcoholic beverages (only if you are of legal drinking age, of course).  You will spend the next few days doing whatever it is you have missed most during finals meltdown.  For me it will be watching stuff on netflix while knitting/crocheting.
What do you expect you will do post-finals?
Are there any tell-tale signs of finals meltdown that I left out?